As the year draws to a close, ‘tis the season not just for festivities and cheer, but often, an unwelcome guest sneaks into our lives: end of the year overwhelm. We commonly take this time to reflect on the past, and feel the pressure to set resolutions for the new year amidst deadlines, social demands, and darker winter days. While we might not always have control over the things that happen around us or over others, we do have some control when it comes to our thoughts and actions.
The Power of Acceptance
When one rejects their circumstances or fights against things that are out of their control, a lot of daily energy is expended. Radical acceptance, saying “this is what the circumstances are, what can I do now?”, redeems that energy that gets lost to bitterness. During moments of overwhelm, one must first focus on what you can control, like prioritizing your basic daily needs. Taking care of our basic needs, such as making a nourishing meal, drinking enough water, and moving our body in the day, not only gives comfort but also stability.
A Compassionate Path
Another part of living with more radical acceptance involves recognizing and being compassionate with your feelings. The phrase ‘being compassionate with your feelings” might ring bells of fear in some who imagine this to be indulging in self-pity or coddling oneself, but self-compassion is a mental shift that involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer a dear friend facing these difficulties. Shifting into this new perspective involves reflecting on and practicing three important components: self-kindness (treating oneself with warmth and understanding), recognizing that struggles and imperfections are part of the shared human experience, and valuing mindfulness meaning being aware of and acknowledging your feelings without judgement.
As we combine acceptance of the current moment, with self- compassion, and awareness of what is in our control, it might start to look a bit like this:
“It makes sense why this is so challenging for me. What small step can I do to make it a little bit easier in this moment?”
“I’m feeling very sad right now, and it’s tough to feel this way. How can I allow myself to feel this without criticizing myself? What would inspire hope or bring a small sense of relief?”
“It’s okay that I didn’t get it right, that doesn’t make me a bad person, we all make mistakes. This is a part of being human. What might I want to try next time? How might I make amends?”
Reaching Out
Lastly, but not least, one of the most effective ways of calming one’s emotional system is through social support.
So, how can we practice having more interactions with people who we love or want to get to know better? One way of connecting more with others and increasing your likability is to ask questions that show you are listening to what they are sharing with you. You can also try to tap into your curiosity and ask someone something slightly different or unique to them like, “what are you reading?”, “why are you wearing airplane shaped earrings?”, “which places are on your bucket list to visit next
year?”. Another tip is to comment on a shared situation, for instance, connecting with someone in the checkout line about a new display or the experience of gift shopping, or while in the concert line asking about the shared musical interest. If you don’t live with your support systems, or can’t see them regularly, do not fret, we can still benefit from connecting with others in a variety of ways. The feeling of social connection can come from your interaction with online support groups or learning opportunities, from being kind to others such as visiting a sick neighbor or paying for a stranger’s coffee, celebrating another person’s joy or milestone, or simply by keeping in touch via phone or video calls with friends/loved ones.
Written by Natassa Stek , www.natassastek.com
The Heart2Heart website and telephone line offers help from English councillors.
